Oscar Winner, Patricia Neal

Patricia Neal died Sunday. She was 84. While it was not her most famous role, I remember her as Dominique Franchon in the film version of The Fountainhead. A glamorous socialite and journalist, Dominique is an admirer of Howard Roark's architectural work and opposes the newspaper's turning the public against him. She is engaged to be married to the unimaginative Peter Keating. Dominique falls for Roark before she even knows he's a brilliant architect, and her passion leads her to obsession.
I cannot imagine that Neal's love affair with Gary Cooper during the filming of the “The Fountainhead” was as steamy as that of Ayn Rand's heroine. Still, she was 20; he was 45 and married. After Cooper’s wife found out, the affair ended but Neal discovered she was pregnant. Worried about the effect such a thing would have on her burgeoning career (especially after “The Fountainhead” flopped) and with the urging of Cooper, Neal aborted the unborn child. In her autobiography, Neal makes no secret of the fact that this abortion was the great regret of her life. For the next thirty years she cried herself to sleep over it and wrote:

If I had only one thing to do over in my life, I would have that baby.

I don't know how deep Patricia Neal delved into Objectivism, the philosophy of Ayn Rand, in her younger years. I have heard that, later in life, she returned to the Catholic faith and became a strong pro-life advocate. Was her return to the Catholic faith a response to deeply felt guilt? Or was it a sincere longing for a relationship with her creator?
The former reasoning often leads individuals to dismiss faith as dysfunctional and unnecessary for healthy individuals, who are strong in their decisions and sense of self-worth. The idea of coming to God out of guilt and the need for a "get out of jail [free] card" leaves me feeling a little dirty, like I would be "using" God to make me feel better, and then move on. In contrast, if I see Jesus Christ as the One who alone satisfies my deepest longing for purpose and completeness, I will experience the greatest of all possible joy in a relationship with him. As I mentioned, I'm not sure which one Neal would have identified with, and we may never know. The question posed by her motivations is left for each of us to ask ourselves.